The 7 Kinds of White People You’ll Meet In Undergrad

The 7 Kinds of White People You’ll Meet In Undergrad
  • Grows their own spices (doesn’t use them
  • Thinks 4/20 is Bob Marley’s Birthday
  • Makes intense eye contact while hula hooping
  • Thinks they’re not racist cuz their dealer is Black

  • Looks like all the Hollywood Chris-es combined
  • Gets away with microaggressions because explaining racial injustice to their soulful, sensitive face is just too difficult
  • Pretends they’re happy that Moonlight won the Oscar instead of LaLa Land
  • Is literally just one medical breakthrough away from becoming the villain from Get Out

  • Says the ‘N’ Word when it’s in the song
  • Tells Black girl he’s hitting on about other Black girls he’s dated
  • Has 3 followers on Soundcloud
  • Has the required amount of black friends to not seem racist (which is now 4)

  • May understand systemic oppression and its adverse effects on society, still “can’t believe Trump won”
  • Can eat spicy food
  • May be more offended than you are, about an offensive thing, that has happened to you
  • Wears shoes on the couch

  • Memes in real life
  • Will correct your grammar while you’re talking
  • Enjoys making obscure references, so that you’ll ask about it, and they can explain the entire plot of whatever they referenced
  • Will whisper “That’s Stan Lee” EVERY TIME

  • Really into horses
  • Stares because they’ve never really seen POC except on TV
  • Unclear if their favorite notepad is for very detailed journal or secret murder list
  • Probably from New England

  • There’s a parking meter dedicated to their great great slave owner grandpa and they won’t shut up about it
  • Transparently benefits from capitalism
  • Thinks diversity means white women
  • Has seen “The Wire” if the topics of race, drugs, or Baltimore ever come up